Journal entry 10/14/15

Breakfast
10:00 AM
Sunbelt Bakery Apple Spice Granola Bar
Calories: 110

Lunch
12-12:15 PM
Homemade Macaroni and Cheese
Homemade meatloaf
Cut green beans

Calories: 858

Dinner
4:00 PM
Raisin bran cereal, 2.5 cups
2% milk, 2.5 cups
Calories: 550

Snack
6:45 PM
Strawberry and banana yogurt, 0.33 cup
Calories: 210

Total calories: 1728

I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, which is more or less a hormonal condition.  A book about this syndrome has finally been delivered to me that I highly recommend.  It is called  "Positive Options for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)" by Christine Craggs-Hinton and Adam Balen, MD.  This book has been helpful when it comes to dieting and exercise.  I am happy to say that I have not gone over the 1500-1800 calorie range, which was agreed upon by the nutritionist.  The reason why I haven't made any journal entries in the last few days.  I was ashamed by the amount of food and drink that I consumed.  I am drinking more water now, but that hasn't always been the case.  I did not drink much, if any,water.  Water is good for my health and for my thirst, so why not?  I gave up on myself. That is the answer.  My weight has slowly gone up, if that is to be believed.

My goal is just to be healthier each passing day or weekend or month or year.  I have made so many plans that I ended up overwhelming myself and that was why I gave up.  I have only hurt myself because I gave up.  I hated my days and so I didn't have to worry about meds and filling out entries and stress, but I realize that it has made me unhealthier than I was before.  I look at the menu for today and the changes that I would make include a small portion of macaroni and cheese and meatloaf for lunch.  For dinner, it is quite hard to consume only one serving of cereal with 2% milk.  The best thing to do is to measure things out, physically and not mentally measure things out.  I would like to consume a healthy lunch with fewer calories but that is a struggle to do so.  Maybe that doesn't even matter.

My weight has taken its toll on my body and it showed when I became a self-conscious near middle-aged woman who weighs over 300 lbs..  I just want to be healthy, but I have to work at it.  Losing weight is just hard.  How do I overcome this hurdle that it is hard and therefore it is an all or nothing thing.  I have a fear of failure.  The failure refers to never losing this weight and never being healthy.  I have at times failed to do what my medical team has said.  That is another thing.  I wish that I didn't have the diabetes/insulin resistance.  That is why I have a nutritionist.  I would love to say that I don't have to take the meds that I take and to "cure" myself of the obesity and the diabetes.  The issue is also that I have not been as accountable as I should have been and that is a main issue.

My weight has been going up and down for a long time and for once, I would like for it to consistently go down. Sadly, I have not been consistent, for that requires hard work.  I hate doing hard work, but that is the answer.  I have to do some hard work for I have to consider the end results and the consequences of my actions.  I for one look forward to the end results such as a healthier mindset and thus, a healthy body.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2015
BREAKFAST
	Calories	Fat	Carbohydrates	Protein	Potassium, K	Calcium, Ca	Sodium, Na	Magnesium, Mg	Folate, total	Cholesterol	Vitamin B-12	Fatty acids, total saturated	Vitamin D	Water	Iron, Fe
Sunbelt Bakery Apple Spice Granola Bar, 1 serving	110	3	20	1	0	0	70	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	2
	110	3	20	1	0	0	70	0	0	0	0	1	0	0	2
LUNCH
	Calories	Fat	Carbohydrates	Protein	Potassium, K	Calcium, Ca	Sodium, Na	Magnesium, Mg	Folate, total	Cholesterol	Vitamin B-12	Fatty acids, total saturated	Vitamin D	Water	Iron, Fe
Homemade Macaroni and Cheese, 1 serving	468	25	42	19	292	0	594	0	0	74	0	7	0	0	0
Green Giant Cut Green Beans, can, 1 cup	40	0	8	2	0	4	800	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	4
homemade meatloaf, 1.25 serving	350	11	28	33	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
	858	36	78	54	292	4	1,394	0	0	74	0	7	0	0	4
DINNER
	Calories	Fat	Carbohydrates	Protein	Potassium, K	Calcium, Ca	Sodium, Na	Magnesium, Mg	Folate, total	Cholesterol	Vitamin B-12	Fatty acids, total saturated	Vitamin D	Water	Iron, Fe
Fiber One Raisin Bran cereal w/ 2% milk, 2.5 serving	550	3	113	10	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
	550	3	113	10	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
SNACK
	Calories	Fat	Carbohydrates	Protein	Potassium, K	Calcium, Ca	Sodium, Na	Magnesium, Mg	Folate, total	Cholesterol	Vitamin B-12	Fatty acids, total saturated	Vitamin D	Water	Iron, Fe
"Great Value" Yogurt, Strawberry Banana (8 oz), 1 serving	210	3	40	7	330	20	115	0	0	10	15	2	25	0	0
	210	3	40	7	330	20	115	0	0	10	15	2	25	0	0
SNACK 3
	Calories	Fat	Carbohydrates	Protein	Potassium, K	Calcium, Ca	Sodium, Na	Magnesium, Mg	Folate, total	Cholesterol	Vitamin B-12	Fatty acids, total saturated	Vitamin D	Water	Iron, Fe
None
SNACK 4
	Calories	Fat	Carbohydrates	Protein	Potassium, K	Calcium, Ca	Sodium, Na	Magnesium, Mg	Folate, total	Cholesterol	Vitamin B-12	Fatty acids, total saturated	Vitamin D	Water	Iron, Fe
None
SNACK 5
	Calories	Fat	Carbohydrates	Protein	Potassium, K	Calcium, Ca	Sodium, Na	Magnesium, Mg	Folate, total	Cholesterol	Vitamin B-12	Fatty acids, total saturated	Vitamin D	Water	Iron, Fe
None
SNACK 2
	Calories	Fat	Carbohydrates	Protein	Potassium, K	Calcium, Ca	Sodium, Na	Magnesium, Mg	Folate, total	Cholesterol	Vitamin B-12	Fatty acids, total saturated	Vitamin D	Water	Iron, Fe
None
	1,728	44	250	72	622	24	1,579	0	0	84	15	9	25	0	6
	1500 - 1800	50 - 60	188 - 225	75 - 90	4500 - 6000	120 - 200	0 - 2300	105 - 175	100 - 250	0 - 300	100 - 200	0 - 25	100 - 150	0 - 800	100 - 150