Saturday, February 6, 2016

Reflection on my weight loss journey

Yesterday I took a break.  I went to my nutritionist then and for the first time, I am motivated to lose weight.  It will obviously be hard.  I will be a struggle at times.  However, I finally realized that I don't have to diet, nor do I have to see my weight as my god.  What I mean by that is that I can do it. I have been so stressed out about my weight because I didn't know what I was doing.  I want to lose weight that is for sure, but I realize that I don't have to worry about jinxes or diets.  That is what is and has been wrong with me.  I don't eat much fruit or vegetables, which is not a good thing, so the change is to incorporate more fruits or vegetables in my diet.  This is where I realize that this is a non-traditional blog.

Of course, many of my blogs are non-traditional, which of course is okay.  I feel pretty good about what I ate today.  However, my portions are often too large, which is true with the cereal that I eat.  Eating more than the recommended amount takes up a lot of weight watchers points. I didn't realize this, but man do dried fruit, especially a small amount of dried cherries take up a lot of points as well.  Laying off of the cherries would be a good thing for me.  I love to snack, but I need to snack in moderation.  What change do I need to make first?  I don't know yet, but I need to know.  Is it about the fruit and vegetables first?  Should I learn to measure foods and thus eat in moderation?  Could I do those things around the same time?  Where do I begin to make changes, since I am considering a healthy lifestyle?

Dieting and following rules have been a struggle for me. I have felt bad about myself.  I could have been thinner and healthier by now.  Why is it that I have allowed myself to get to the weight I am?  I have never made excuses, but I do have a complex condition called polycystic ovarian syndrome.  It can be hard to deal with especially when I have a greater risk of diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, which could lead to further complications, including lowering self-esteem and even other conditions such as stroke and cancer due to the risks of being overweight.  That is a lot to deal with.  I have to take my health even more seriously and worrying has done me no good.  Trust me.  I will have to promise myself that I will love myself and that whatever else I am going through, I can do it. I will respect myself enough to be healthy and stay healthy.  I also have to make a promise to myself to not allow stress to get the best of me, even though I realize that losing weight is a journey.  Life is not fair, but neither have I been to myself.

While it has not been easy, I have to remind myself that there have been, and there are others who are struggling not only with their weight and their overall health.  There are some who have struggled with their lives and still are.  I realize that I needed to have my eyes opened because I am too hard on myself.  It is time that I be honest with myself and it will not involve my putting myself down and wishing that things could be different.  I won't do that tonight.  I will make a promise to not do that especially because of the past.  I will also believe that despite the struggle, I will not consider myself a failure.  I have a long way to go, but I will make a promise that my goal will be to be healthy and have a healthy mindset.