Saturday, April 15, 2017

My reflection of what has been going on when it comes to my eating habits and relationship with food.

Truth be told, I have been ashamed.  I have struggled with my weight ever since I was a kid.  In fact, I have struggled with so much since including my weight. I was ashamed of myself and felt guilty.  I often felt guilty of being too fat and also having such low self worth.  I hated my body ever since I was a kid as well, which is where I diet.  I have to realize that my guilt, binge eating, and low image of my body is about who and what I love.  I didn't take enough time to love myself.  I often ate because I stopped caring, not always because it love to eat.

I don't want to delude myself anymore. Following my nutritionist's advice has been hard, so was going on a plan like Weight Watchers.  I have received a recommendation to have weight loss surgery.  What has stressed me out is despite my condition, it has not been easy to lose weight.  My relationship with food and body image has been a rather rocky one.  I need to just "get along" and make peace with who I am, how to eat, and overcome being ashamed.  I realize that I want, need, and desire to lose weight, then I will have to stop worrying what others and what the world at large think.  It starts and ends ultimately with me.  I have a number of health conditions that would be relieved, reverse, and hopefully cure if I were to lose weight.  For every day I binge, I have to realize that like caring about what others think played a role into how I felt about myself.

I consumed more than half a pack of thick cut bacon, scrambled eggs with a cup of coffee for breakfast.

For lunch, I had sliced cucumber.

For a snack, I had an apple.

Believe it or not, despite the fact that I have health issues, I am comfortable with my weight.  I just don't want to get comfortable only when I lose it.  It is about time that I learn to respect myself, for I believe that if I want to lose weight, self respect would be the answer.