Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Last post of 2013

This is the last post of the year and I am struggling to eat healthy.  I have been struggling to eat healthy ever since Halloween.  This is a fun part of the year but this is also a difficult time to eat and stay healthy.  I today have not.  I ate a lot of food and I am not proud for not logging it in.  I wish I didn't feel so much embarrassment over this.  I am glad to be confessing all of this over to those reading this.

Monday, December 30, 2013

How I am doing on the 30th

I am doing okay so far.  However, I weigh 12.5 pounds heavier according to my doctor.  I am not proud of this.  I am not stressed out about my weight however.  On the other hand, I am concerned that I will gain all of my weight..  I did eat a lot of snack foods and macaroni salad however.  I don't feel guilty about that, but I wished I eat healthier.  Not only that, I wish to eat much, much healthier.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Unleashing yesterday

My desire to lose weight has been stronger since yesterday.  I feel great about the food that I ate.  I am doing the best that I can to eat healthy.  I want to be fit and I know that I am not.  I am self-conscious of my body and I don't want to wish anymore.  I want and need to get out of my comfort zone.  That means diet and exercise.  I don't feel bad about what I ate.  In fact, I feel good about what I ate.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Taking stock about losing weight

Do I really need to lose weight?  I have always had the motivation, but maybe not the proper motivation because I don't know what it is.  I have low self-esteem and I wonder if weight loss will help do that.  Everywhere I turn, I see a stereotype or a demeaning comment.  I had no idea that I would be considered unattractive, but the "bottom of the barrel" when it comes to discrimination.  I know I am not healthy and I need to lose weight.  The problem is, I don't know why I need to lose weight and if I have that desire to lose.  I wonder what my desire is or if I am confused.  That is why I always fail.  I am at the point where I am questioning myself.  It makes no sense to me, but at least I am asking questions.  Do I need, want, or desire to lose weight?  Do I need, want, and desire to lose weight?  Why am I so confused and question heavy?  I am 300 lbs yet I am asking myself these questions.  I need to take stock and examine why I would like to lose weight if I care to already.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Control binge eating

I need help.  I am not in control of my eating habits.  I allowed my frustrations to get the best of me.  I had and have to, take a long hard look at myself.  How to continue on this journey after I messed up may be the hardest part of them all.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Control to God

Today is the day that I have started all over.  I don't know what more to do.  I will just leave it in the hands of God.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Help me

I am sorry I never got around to writing an entry yesterday.  I am worried about myself.  I need help.  I know I need help.  I realize that I need help.  I am concerned for my health.  I am not sure I know who to turn to for help.  I think that I will be okay.  It is even more difficult now that this is Christmas Eve.  I realize that I am more of an emotional eater who needs, wants, and desires to lose weight.  I am scared that I will never lose said weight and that is scary in itself.

Sunday, December 22, 2013


Right now, I am just logging in my weight and needless to say, I have gained weight.  I promise that I will lose the weight, but I have no idea how much weight I want to lose.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

How I am feeling

I feel so much freer.  I am okay now.  It is still a struggle, but the struggle is well worth it.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Not struggle

I am sorry but I am going to have to have a feast this holiday season.  I understand the risks but I am doing okay.  Help me to not struggle for a while.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Last few days

I should have written in the last few days.  I gave my summary because..never mind.  I am doing okay and I feel good about my diet and the food that I ate.

Saturday, December 14, 2013


I am glad that I have written my struggles here.  I feel like giving up and binging.  I don't want to, but that is how I feel.  But I won't give up, no matter what season of the year it is.  I don't feel guilty about what I ate, but I feel like I could do better.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Pretty well, thanks.

Well, I have not given up.  I have done well for myself.  I do not feel guilty about what I have consumed today.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013


I promise that I won't give up today.  I have yet to give up.  I do need to drink more water instead of drinking so much coffee however.  I love coffee and have loved it ever since I was a little girl.  I remember not being allowed to drink coffee during that time.  My dad used to drink coffee.  It is amazing what one can remember.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

I will not give up.

I will not give up.  I didn't know where to begin.  I still don't but I have trouble being consistent and wanting to lose weight without stress in my life.  That is why I have binged.  I guess it is a form of emotional eating that I need help for.  I am a glutton who needed a Savior who could give me the guidance that I so desperately needed.  Maybe it was the fact that I felt free yet I was trapped because of the food that I ate.  Today I feel pretty calm.  I wonder if it is related to something else.  I needed help controling my appetite.  I also needed help with following doctor's orders.  I have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and PCOS.  Oh, and not to mention I have stress that is hard to manage.  I need help managing my stress.  Life is too short and it has gotten shorter everyday.  Time goes by very fast.

Monday, December 9, 2013


I need to log in my food intake.  I have lost less than half a pound.  I have been gaining weight.  I have gotten lazy.  It is time for me to make a change.

Sunday, December 8, 2013


I am a glutton.  I have a problem.  I gave up.  What shall I do in the next day?  Next week?  I am not sure, but it sure feels lonely.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Prayer about eating

Lord, help me gain the confidence, the focus, and the motivation and energy needed to lose weight.  I hate what I am doing.  I know I need help.  I am struggling with a binging problem and I cannot stop it on my own.  I ask for Your forgiveness for being a glutton for I lack self-control.  I need to lose weight and I am stressed out about it.  I have been stuck for a while now and I don't know exactly what I need to do.  I give You total and complete control over my exercise regimen, and my eating habits.  Help me, Lord.  Help me.

In Jesus' name,


Friday, December 6, 2013

I give up

I give up.  Should I just all over?  I need not only motivation but confidence.  I need help setting the goals that I need to lose weight and quit binging.  I give up.

Thursday, December 5, 2013


I am going to up the number of calories for now.  I have been consuming with a budget of 2480 calories which will cause no weight gain, but maybe some weight loss.  I consumed and binged and consumed and binged.  I need to see someone about this.  I realize that I need help.  The underlying cause is that I feel like giving up.  I don't wish to give up.  I just don't know what I am doing.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Learning from binging

It is time for me to learn and no longer make excuses.  I just am not happy with myself or my eating habits.  Today is the day that I will make changes.  I need help.  I have been binging for a few days actually.  It is not just hunger.  It isn't greed.  It is a cry for help.  I have given up on me and I am still stressed out.  I thought that my change would not stress me out, but it has.  It is time that I start on myself and get to work.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Learning from Thanksgiving

I have felt so much better yet I have eaten over the 1800-1900-2000-2100 calorie limit.  It is hard for me to go back to business as usual so to speak.  I wish I feel that way because I gained three pounds since I went wild with the food that I ate.  But I am doing a little better.  I do tend to eat mindlessly which I need to learn how to control.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

End of Thanksgiving weekend

I surprise myself today.  I consumed less than 2000 not counting drinks.  I am so happy about it.  I am sure that it is a lot less than I think.  I will be weighing myself tomorrow and I will probably eat over the limit.  During the holidays, the calories will eventually creep up.  I will have to be careful come Christmas time.  That was something that I have learned during this past Thanksgiving.