Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Last post of 2013

This is the last post of the year and I am struggling to eat healthy.  I have been struggling to eat healthy ever since Halloween.  This is a fun part of the year but this is also a difficult time to eat and stay healthy.  I today have not.  I ate a lot of food and I am not proud for not logging it in.  I wish I didn't feel so much embarrassment over this.  I am glad to be confessing all of this over to those reading this.

Monday, December 30, 2013

How I am doing on the 30th

I am doing okay so far.  However, I weigh 12.5 pounds heavier according to my doctor.  I am not proud of this.  I am not stressed out about my weight however.  On the other hand, I am concerned that I will gain all of my weight..  I did eat a lot of snack foods and macaroni salad however.  I don't feel guilty about that, but I wished I eat healthier.  Not only that, I wish to eat much, much healthier.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Unleashing yesterday

My desire to lose weight has been stronger since yesterday.  I feel great about the food that I ate.  I am doing the best that I can to eat healthy.  I want to be fit and I know that I am not.  I am self-conscious of my body and I don't want to wish anymore.  I want and need to get out of my comfort zone.  That means diet and exercise.  I don't feel bad about what I ate.  In fact, I feel good about what I ate.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Taking stock about losing weight

Do I really need to lose weight?  I have always had the motivation, but maybe not the proper motivation because I don't know what it is.  I have low self-esteem and I wonder if weight loss will help do that.  Everywhere I turn, I see a stereotype or a demeaning comment.  I had no idea that I would be considered unattractive, but the "bottom of the barrel" when it comes to discrimination.  I know I am not healthy and I need to lose weight.  The problem is, I don't know why I need to lose weight and if I have that desire to lose.  I wonder what my desire is or if I am confused.  That is why I always fail.  I am at the point where I am questioning myself.  It makes no sense to me, but at least I am asking questions.  Do I need, want, or desire to lose weight?  Do I need, want, and desire to lose weight?  Why am I so confused and question heavy?  I am 300 lbs yet I am asking myself these questions.  I need to take stock and examine why I would like to lose weight if I care to already.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Control binge eating

I need help.  I am not in control of my eating habits.  I allowed my frustrations to get the best of me.  I had and have to, take a long hard look at myself.  How to continue on this journey after I messed up may be the hardest part of them all.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Control to God

Today is the day that I have started all over.  I don't know what more to do.  I will just leave it in the hands of God.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Help me

I am sorry I never got around to writing an entry yesterday.  I am worried about myself.  I need help.  I know I need help.  I realize that I need help.  I am concerned for my health.  I am not sure I know who to turn to for help.  I think that I will be okay.  It is even more difficult now that this is Christmas Eve.  I realize that I am more of an emotional eater who needs, wants, and desires to lose weight.  I am scared that I will never lose said weight and that is scary in itself.

Sunday, December 22, 2013


Right now, I am just logging in my weight and needless to say, I have gained weight.  I promise that I will lose the weight, but I have no idea how much weight I want to lose.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

How I am feeling

I feel so much freer.  I am okay now.  It is still a struggle, but the struggle is well worth it.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Not struggle

I am sorry but I am going to have to have a feast this holiday season.  I understand the risks but I am doing okay.  Help me to not struggle for a while.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Last few days

I should have written in the last few days.  I gave my summary because..never mind.  I am doing okay and I feel good about my diet and the food that I ate.

Saturday, December 14, 2013


I am glad that I have written my struggles here.  I feel like giving up and binging.  I don't want to, but that is how I feel.  But I won't give up, no matter what season of the year it is.  I don't feel guilty about what I ate, but I feel like I could do better.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Pretty well, thanks.

Well, I have not given up.  I have done well for myself.  I do not feel guilty about what I have consumed today.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013


I promise that I won't give up today.  I have yet to give up.  I do need to drink more water instead of drinking so much coffee however.  I love coffee and have loved it ever since I was a little girl.  I remember not being allowed to drink coffee during that time.  My dad used to drink coffee.  It is amazing what one can remember.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

I will not give up.

I will not give up.  I didn't know where to begin.  I still don't but I have trouble being consistent and wanting to lose weight without stress in my life.  That is why I have binged.  I guess it is a form of emotional eating that I need help for.  I am a glutton who needed a Savior who could give me the guidance that I so desperately needed.  Maybe it was the fact that I felt free yet I was trapped because of the food that I ate.  Today I feel pretty calm.  I wonder if it is related to something else.  I needed help controling my appetite.  I also needed help with following doctor's orders.  I have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and PCOS.  Oh, and not to mention I have stress that is hard to manage.  I need help managing my stress.  Life is too short and it has gotten shorter everyday.  Time goes by very fast.

Monday, December 9, 2013


I need to log in my food intake.  I have lost less than half a pound.  I have been gaining weight.  I have gotten lazy.  It is time for me to make a change.

Sunday, December 8, 2013


I am a glutton.  I have a problem.  I gave up.  What shall I do in the next day?  Next week?  I am not sure, but it sure feels lonely.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Prayer about eating

Lord, help me gain the confidence, the focus, and the motivation and energy needed to lose weight.  I hate what I am doing.  I know I need help.  I am struggling with a binging problem and I cannot stop it on my own.  I ask for Your forgiveness for being a glutton for I lack self-control.  I need to lose weight and I am stressed out about it.  I have been stuck for a while now and I don't know exactly what I need to do.  I give You total and complete control over my exercise regimen, and my eating habits.  Help me, Lord.  Help me.

In Jesus' name,


Friday, December 6, 2013

I give up

I give up.  Should I just all over?  I need not only motivation but confidence.  I need help setting the goals that I need to lose weight and quit binging.  I give up.

Thursday, December 5, 2013


I am going to up the number of calories for now.  I have been consuming with a budget of 2480 calories which will cause no weight gain, but maybe some weight loss.  I consumed and binged and consumed and binged.  I need to see someone about this.  I realize that I need help.  The underlying cause is that I feel like giving up.  I don't wish to give up.  I just don't know what I am doing.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Learning from binging

It is time for me to learn and no longer make excuses.  I just am not happy with myself or my eating habits.  Today is the day that I will make changes.  I need help.  I have been binging for a few days actually.  It is not just hunger.  It isn't greed.  It is a cry for help.  I have given up on me and I am still stressed out.  I thought that my change would not stress me out, but it has.  It is time that I start on myself and get to work.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Learning from Thanksgiving

I have felt so much better yet I have eaten over the 1800-1900-2000-2100 calorie limit.  It is hard for me to go back to business as usual so to speak.  I wish I feel that way because I gained three pounds since I went wild with the food that I ate.  But I am doing a little better.  I do tend to eat mindlessly which I need to learn how to control.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

End of Thanksgiving weekend

I surprise myself today.  I consumed less than 2000 not counting drinks.  I am so happy about it.  I am sure that it is a lot less than I think.  I will be weighing myself tomorrow and I will probably eat over the limit.  During the holidays, the calories will eventually creep up.  I will have to be careful come Christmas time.  That was something that I have learned during this past Thanksgiving.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Noticing things

I hope to consume less than 3000 calories today.  I didn't realize that Thanksgiving food and calories and snacks creep up.  I haven't binged but I ate way too much per meal and per sitting.  That is the problem.  I do tend to eat much in one sitting.  However my snacks are high calorie and I am getting better with the small snack/large meal solution yet my meals are too large.

Friday, November 29, 2013


Wow.  I consumed almost 4000 calories worth of foods.  It is amazing how much the human body can digest.  I ended up with a headache this morning.  I would like to be able to lose all of that weight by eating 1800 calories or less.  It can be done I guess, but it may take no more than 2400 calories.  I am glad to have lost weight yet I feel that I may have gained that 1.8 pounds back.  I am concerned about my weight since I binged a few weeks ago.  I developed headaches as a result because I was not accustomed to eating so much.  I rarely binge anymore which is a good thing.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Before Thanksgiving

I forgot to write an entry yesterday.  I am doing well in my diet thus far.  Tomorrow is another day however.  I did eat way too much cereal with sugar just now however.  I don't feel that guilty about eating that much because I consumed less than 1500 calories today.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Fallen blood sugar levels

I am doing well.  However, my blood sugar levels have fallen so I ate more than 1800 calories today.  Right now, I am chewing gum to make sure I don't have hypoglycemia.  I didn't know about the dangers that I could have had other than the nervousness, shakiness, and the outright hunger.  It is quite sudden and it is not fun.

Sunday, November 24, 2013


I am in need of help.  I am consuming 1800 calories a day yet my metabolism slows.  I hope to have that fixed.  I realize that I eat many fried foods.  I have eaten foods in moderation and I would like to know if I have lost weight.   Maybe life is too short to waste worrying about food intake.  Maybe worrying is helping to slow down my metabolism.  Relax.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Struggled to eat

It was actually a struggle today to consume more than 1200 calories.  That is highly unusual for me.  I actually don't know what to make of this.  I hope that I will eventually lose weight starting today.  My metabolism has slowed down over the last 2 weeks.

Friday, November 22, 2013

1800 Calorie Budget

I have decided to follow doctor's order and no longer struggle.  My goal is to consume 1800 calories per day.  I could easily go down to 1400 if need be.  I have struggled to consume those few calories.  My metabolism is rather slow and I wish to lose weight.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Pork and Green beans

I was just hungry and tired today.  That is the only reason or rather, reasons why I am eating over the 1400 calorie limit.  It is a budget that I go over constantly.  It doesn't bother me that I eat over that limit.  However, it would be nice to eat at that limit.  I don't feel guilty about what I ate or drank today however.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Over the limit

I finally found out why I eat so much.  I guess it is more emotional than anything.  I have denied it not because I was in denial, but because I didn't know any better.  Despite my issues, my emotions have not gotten in the way of my eating habits.  In other words, I usually don't eat emotionally to solve any issues.  I am concerned that I am not losing any weight and I wanted to binge tonight, but I came pretty close.  I ate 500 calories plus over the limit.  I don't feel bad about it, but I know that I can do much, much better.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

How to eat foods

I have made the 1400 calorie mark the first time.  When I say that, I mean that I have barely gone over the 1400 calorie mark.  I did eat a rather huge lunch.  I have to learn that I am to eat like a queen at breakfast, eat like a princess at lunch, and eat like a pauper at dinner.  I finally realize how elitist it is, but I guess it is a way that I will lose weight.

Monday, November 18, 2013

1400 calories?

I binged some today.  Right now, I am struggling to eat 1400 calories per day.  I need to learn "addictive" food such as crackers and potaotes in moderation or not at all.  I have learned a lot not only about diet but about my eating habits.  I also need to exercise more as well.  I am going to stick to the 1400 calories in the next few days or so.  I also plan to even lower consumption of calories.  I have changed my calories low enough.  I eat way too many calories and have gained weight because of it.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Short entry

I tried the best I could with staying under the 1400 calorie limit.  I ate too much chicken today.  I am not feeling too well because I have a slight cold right now.  Hopefully I will feel better.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Today's entry

I do tend to eat over the 1400 calorie limit like I did yesterday.  I did eat in moderation...I did at least eat my snacks in moderation.  However, I should have eaten 200 calories or less in eating my snacks.  One of my problem areas is eating big snacks and sometimes too small meals.  I need to work on that.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Benefits of a Lower Calorie Diet

I have noticed that the less I eat, the more stressful I am.  I do have an urge to eat much or rather more than I desire to eat.  For the time being, I am comfortable with eating a 1400 calorie diet.  It hasn't been much of a struggle so far.  In fact, food doesn't consume my every thought.  I guess it is because of my food intake.  I have been wiser in my food choices as a result.  I don't have any headaches or anything like that.  In fact I feel great.  I can breathe a little easier.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Consuming 1400 calories per day

I am now consuming 1400 calories per day, for now.  I realize that it is normal for people to change the calorie amounts per day.  I don't eat as well as I should.  I need, want, and desire to lose weight.  I have gained some weight from binging.  I have also gotten sick.  I am learning to eat in smaller portions.  Eating that many calories is actually a lot less stressful than I thought, even though I admit that it is a challenge.  It will require a lot of doing what is hard.  I feel pretty good, but I realize that this is a daily thing, not a wedding day thing.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Tuesday's truth

I have had enough of binging and overeating!  I need help.  I need, and want to lose weight.  It is one of my greatest desires.  The reasons are for health and for overall well-being.  I am doing this for myself.  Right now, I plan to consume just 1400 calories starting tomorrow.  I need to be consistent with this.  I just want to lose weight.  I am trying too hard and failing miserably.  I want to start all over, but I rather just start anew.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Monday's entry

I ate some food today that was pretty healthy.  I admit that I  do need to eat more fruits and vegetables.  I also need to read up my blog entries so that I could learn about myself and eat healthier and lose weight.  I am stressed out, which is not good for me.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Unhealthy eating

I have to admit that I ate a lot of unhealthy foods.  I do tend to eat a lot of fried foods.  I believe that eating unhealthy foods do no good for my health.  I am glad that I am under the calorie limit.  I don't however feel guilty about what I ate.

Saturday, November 9, 2013


I did pretty well today.  I do realize, however, that eating smaller portions would be beneficial for me.  Application of certain diet principles or rules would be a great help to me.  Planning in advance would also be of great help to me as well.  Lacking in self-control is an issue for me.  How do I learn to exhibit self-control when it comes to my eating habits so that it doesn't become a vicious cycle?

Friday, November 8, 2013

An End to Frustration

I have given total and complete control over to the Lord.  I was so frustrated that it left me eating more.  I have binged for the past few days and I am proud of it.  I needed to take inventory of my life.  And I also needed to take inventory over my health.  I admit that I am not in the best health.  I gained weight which is causing me worry.  That is not a good thing.  I just couldn't take it anymore.  So I prayed about it.  I needed wisdom and I believe that my prayer will be answered.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Doing what is hard will make things easier

How do I do what is hard?  That is a question I have been trying to figure out.  Maybe it is best that I don't figure it out.

I am not sure what exactly to fix tomorrow, but I realize that I cook and eat way too much food.  That is one way I can make it easier.  I can also store up some of the foods as leftovers instead of throwing them away.  That too will help.

I guess that there are a lot of ways I can do to make life easier for me.  All I have to do is not allow any frustration to get to me.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Doing what I need to do, but it is hard

My real problem is that I have not taken better care of myself.  I am ashamed of logging in my food and drink intake.  I eat too much processed and unhealthy foods in larger amounts than I should have.  I do this instead of eating in moderation.  There are quite a few things that I need to improve upon, but I didn't realize how hard it is to apply.  Applying myself is doing what is hard.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

What is my real problem?

I need to do research on why I binge.  Maybe research is not the best word to use, but I have an issue with how I eat.  I need help.  I don't feel guilty about what I eat.  I need to do a better job of planning my meals.  The problem is, there is so much frustration I feel like giving up.  What is my problem?

Monday, November 4, 2013


I have given control over to the Lord.  I finally need to learn about my eating habits and set attainable goals.  My diet and exercise regimen are in need of being fixed.  How do I deal with calorie expenditure?  How do I deal with calorie intake when the total amount of calories is fewer than what I eat per day?  I have a lot of work to do.  I know that my caloric intake will have to decrease so that means that I will have to eat smaller portions.  After all, I have diabetes and eating in moderation is not just something I need to practice.  I wonder what foods are really diabetic friendly.  What do I leave out?  What and how much healthy foods do I consume?  Those are questions that I have to answer because with my food intake, I admit that I am not taking good care of myself.  I have to be honest about my food intake, even if it is hard to admit.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Keep in mind

How do I overcome binging I have no idea.  I binged today.  I don't feel guilty about binging necessarily but I realize that it is not good for my health.  I feel good about eating food because there is something about the taste and texture of food.  However, I have to keep in mind that I am diabetic.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Eating after going to the store

Every time I go the grocery store I end up hungry.  That is one of the big mistakes I make.  I have learned for myself never to do that.  So what did I do?  Eat like crazy.  Now I have no idea how much I truly ate, even with the journey entry.  Well, today was a lessen of learning.

Friday, November 1, 2013

1800 plus calories

Even though I ate more than 1800 calories today, I realize that I have not eaten the healthiest of foods.  I have a tendency to consume carbs and junk food.  It shows in my diary.  I need help with eating healthier.  I need to eat healthier.  I am just so happy that I ate what I ate however in terms of calories and carebs, however.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Regimen-Diet and exercise

I realize that I do need to exercise more.  I have to overcome my lack of will to exercise.  I do eat healthy and exercise is no problem, but my exercise regimen I admit, is not strenuous enough.  I believe that my regimen is too light.  I am eating better and taking it slow so to speak.  I don't believe that going below 1200 is beneficial for me.  Nor is going above 2200 is beneficial for me.  My goal is to get out of the plateau I am in.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Improving my eating habits

I don't eat as many snacks as I used to.  However, I rarely eat over the calorie limit. I barely notice that the number of calories I consume have gone down.  I feel so good about this. I haven't lost a ton of weight, but I am just I lost weight.  I do eat a lot of pasta.  I need to eat pasta in moderation.  A cup of macaroni and cheese is a full serving.  It is actually quite a bit of food.  However the chicken was baked and I had cut green beans.  So what I mean is is that at least the food was somewhat healthy.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

No snacks

I ate no snacks today.  I guess it is because of the copious amounts of food and drink that I have consumed at meal time.  Okay, maybe not copious, but it was enough food.  It wasn't the most moderate portions that I had, but it wasn't so copious that I was being a glutton.  I guess it was the green tea that I drank.  I plan to consume lasagna tomorrow.  I feel good about what I ate however.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Four weeks

It is the volume of food that I eat that is the problem.  I tend to eat twice as much food as I should.  However, I do not feel guilty about the food that I ate today.  I hope to eat the leftovers that I ate today.  I am happy to have eaten what I have eaten because today I am reminding myself of what I have.  I am grateful.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

How I am feeling

I feel that eating leftovers save some money and keeps food from being wasted.  I ate a small breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  However, those three meals are worth many calories per meal.  I have learned to be careful about how many calories I am supposed to consume.  I feel good, and full, about what I ate today.  I plan to eat spaghetti and chili tomorrow.  I may eat cereal tomorrow for breakfast.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Chili and bbq

I don't feel bad about what I ate.  I ate small portions of bbq and pasta and I am full.  I feel good about what I ate.  However, I realize that I should have eaten smaller portions of chili though the chili wasn't too unhealthy.  Because of the beans it filled me up.  Tomorrow, I plan to eat a starch, meat, and a vegetable, which is what I usually eat anyways.  I tend to eat in moderation most Sundays anyways.  I hope that I would continue to do so.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Carbs especially pasta on Friday

I do tend to eat a lot of carbs, especially pasta.  I have had some amazing bacon-pasta salad today.  That is why I mentioned it.  I do not feel guilty about how I ate.  I would like to make some chili tomorrow for dinner.  I will learn about planning my meals in advance.  It will I admit take some time but I believe it will keep me from overeating.  I am no longer frustrated and I am feeling fine.  I do think that I need to learn to eat better so that I won't eat everything I can get my hands on whenever my blood sugar level falls. 

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Blood sugar levels falling

I have learned that I have to consume all that I eat including those calories that I consume when my blood sugar level rapidly decrease.  I went to the myfitnesspal forum and they have all been helpful.  I needed help and support and I got that help and support.  I have learned that I have to eat better than I have been even when my blood sugar levels fall.  Counting those calories discourage me and encourage me at the same time.  So I went over the daily calorie limit but I feel okay and not guilty.  I plan in advance to eat more chickpeas and salad tomorrow.  I hope that my blood sugar levels do not fall tomorrow.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Life inventory

Why didn't I take the time to take stock of my life, including my health?  I have no clear goals in mind, at least permanent goals.  I only have temporary goals to fall back on.  I plan to decrease my calorie intake weekly until I reach about 2 pounds a week which will be a while.  I would like to lose about 20 pounds by January.  I don't have a lot of confidence that I can do it however and that is an issue that I need to deal with.

On the other hand, I didn't think that I could lose the weight either.  It has been slow and frustrating but so far it has been worth it.  I hope to continue losing the weight and learn and grow from my experience.  I have a lot of inventory to take and that includes what I will eat and how I will plan my meals.

That won't be so easy.  Right now, I am thinking of chickpeas to add to a salad.  That sounds healthy.  My health is very important to me.  I will finally act on how seriously I take that.  I will take it to heart.

I don't feel guilty about how I ate today.  However I ate 2 doughnuts from the Krispy Kreme as well as 3 donut holes.  That is not healthy.  I eat too many unhealthy foods, even in moderation.  But the question is, is it possible to eat the unhealthiest foods in moderation?  Sounds silly, but I would like to know.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

My present diet and weight

I lost weight. Yay!  That is how I am feeling right now.  I guess I should have boiled the egg instead of scrambled it.  I haven't eaten bread in a while now but I don't seem to miss it though.  I just have to get more creative.  We are blessed to have what we have.  We have a lot of food in the house so we are not starving.  I realize that I have to eat more fresh fruits and vegetables.  My weight is something that is important to ME and I will lose the weight for ME.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Present entry

The past entry was actually from yesterday.  I feel like I should have known better. 

Anyways, I weighed myself this morning.  I am so glad that I lost weight.  After all of the weight I gained, I cannot believe how fast this weight loss has been.  I feel so much better already.

Today I ate whole grain spaghetti with spiced-up turkey meatballs and marinara sauce.  I tried to thicken it up but it was okay the way it was.  I am just so happy that I lost weight.  I lowered my calorie intake from 2390 to 2210.  I hope to lower the calorie intake even further.

Following a diet can be hard especially when one tries to lower the calorie intake.  It isn't so easy, but maybe I haven't tried it on a consistent basis.

How I am feeling today

I feel good about what I ate today.  I had at least four servings of fruits, yet I didn't eat any vegetables.  I realize that I need to be mindful of not only what I eat but of everything. 

Saturday, October 19, 2013


I have eaten larger portions of food but I at least I am not over the calorie limit.  I plan to change or rather decrease my calorie intake to about 2150 calories.  It means that I have to eat extra fruits and vegetables and work extra hard to make sure that I don't go over the limit.  Therefore, I have to eat more low calorie foods such as fruits and vegetables and less of other foods.  It would be difficult for me but it will be worth it considering how much I ate last week.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Friday I did well

I have taken full advantage of my calorie intake.  Unfortunately, I tend to go over the 2200 calorie limit.  I should think of the calorie limit as a budget.  However, I did well today.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Change in my diet

I have eaten a large breakfast but I mixed my snacks together.  The food was good which was a trap for me.  I made barbecued chicken, hot dogs, and mashed potatoes.  I was lucky not to have eaten more than I had.  But what messed me up was not eating healthy enough.  I ate a lot of protein when I should have eaten fruits and vegetables.  I need to eat more fruits and vegetables and more fiber.  My diet is not great so how do I go about changing it?

Wednesday, October 16, 2013


I haven't eaten breakfast like a queen but like a pauper.  However, that should, and will change.  Lunch for me is the biggest meal of the day instead of breakfast.  Maybe, just maybe, that is a problem that I am having when it comes to losing weight.  I have issues with self-control and gluttony.  I also have an issue with hunger.  I tend to confuse some forms of hunger with true hunger.  Every time it seems, I am thinking about food I want to eat.  That too has got to stop because it happened to me today.  That is why my snack today is a large number of calories.  I don't wish to eat so many calories in snacks.  It seems too backwards to eat large snacks and small meals instead of the other way around.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Total control

I had to give up control of my eating and dieting habits to God.  It is frustrating not being able to follow dietary rules and also to go ahead and just eat healthy.  I have learned that worry and frustration need not to be the major issues that I face or otherwise I will binge eat.  I was left depressed or at least down in the dumps about my life.  It was time that I faced the truth.  My emotions and my frustration are two things I allow to get the best of me.  I am concerned at times whether I should eat anything at all.  Then I go eating too much.  I have heard that a woman should eat breakfast "like a queen", lunch "like a princess", and dinner "like a pauper".  This is one of many rules that maybe I should follow.  I don't feel guilty about eating any food today.  But I have to be mindful.

Monday, October 14, 2013


I need to be mindful of what I eat.  Today, I learned just that, to be mindful of what I eat.  I gained more than 8 pounds in the last few days, which I should have learned was detrimental to my health and my peace of mind.  I have been frustrated lately about my weight and my lack of weight loss.  I have been at a plateau for a while and yet I continue to lose and gain, lose and gain, lose and gain.  Now, I have been motivated to apply what I have learned to my life.  I need help in applying those weight loss and diet principles and those meal plans that I have to my daily life.  I hope to lose weight soon by eating a proper, healthy diet and exercise.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Another confession

I confess that I am a glutton in need of overcoming this issue.  I do wonder if it is a form of idolatry.  I know gluttony is a sin, so I need help.  I ate a lot of food today.  I have done a lot wrong and I hope to follow my new contract.  I hope to eat less than 2000 calories per day starting tomorrow.  Today I admit that I have eaten a lot and that I can get the help that I need.  I have been binging these past few days.  I will do better and I hope to continue to do so.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Confession time

I ate a lot of peanut butter crackers.  I don't like to eat much because I get sick when I do.  I am doing better than I did yesterday, but binge eating is a hard thing to overcome.

Friday, October 11, 2013


I know I need help.  I know I cannot really stop this on my own.  I need help.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

I give up

Let me see.  There really isn't much I am going to say.  I am going to eat a lot today.  So far, I had fried chicken, fries, bananas, cereal, and that is for breakfast.  I better not leave out the juice mix and the coffee.  I need to drink more water.  I can't take it anymore. But let me not forget the chocolate chip cookies and the four hot dogs I ate just now.  I did have craisins however.  I am stopping.  I stopped caring days ago.  I give up.  I realize I am hurting myself, but isn't it what I have been doing all along?

Wednesday, October 9, 2013


Maybe I am doing something dangerous.  I ended up with a headache yesterday because I was binging.  I am glad that I am okay today.  Myfitnesspal was putting too much pressure on me.  I tried to hard to overcome and not to struggle.  I would like to know what it will be like to not struggle and to take some time off of myfitnesspal.  I admit that I have binged and I am not proud of it.  I wish that planning my meals in advance would stave off the cravings, but it has not.  I need help in exhibiting self-control, and that is my real problem.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013


I binged today...again.  I know I need help but I cannot just stop.  I ate hot dogs with chili, fried potato wedges, cheese crackers, granola bar, cereal, and whatever I can get my hands on.  I even thought about eating cookies but I didn't.  I lack self-control and I know that help should be on the way, but I am scared, how how much really?  I feel guilty about eating so much.  I have a lot on my plate and I feel so alone in all of this.  I get my advice from the internet but I realize that I need to get advice face to face.  Not to mention I ate some ice cream with hazelnut spread and almond butter, which is delicious by the way.  I tried everything I know to do when it comes to binging, but to no avail.  I just feel so bad but it is too late now.  I can do better next time, but when should I begin?  Should I begin now?  Should I begin tomorrow?

Monday, October 7, 2013

Binge Eating help

I have a confession to make.  I want to get off of the roller coaster I have been on.  I have issues that I don't know that I have.  Lately, I have been having issues with binging and that is depressing.  I am saddened that I cannot control myself.  I use myfitnesspal as a food journal and a weight loss guide.  I am so embarrassed by the food that I am ashamed to log on.  I would feel horrible adding all of those foods that I ate.  I wish I could eat the food and pretend to at least myself that I could carry the calories on to the next day.  I am having difficulty with binging and staying in control.  I need help and I don't know who to turn to for help.  I feel lonely right now and I need to be accountable for my actions. 

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Sunday the sixth

I ate a lot of food and it isn't even dinner time yet.  I should have laid off of the desert, at least until later.  Other than that, I did well in the other snacks and other meals.  I binged somewhat but I don't feel guilty about what I ate however.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Done well

I have done well yet I realize that I need to lessen or cut out the processed foods.  I really enjoyed cooking today.  That felt good to do that.  I rather that I eat real food.  I have PCOS and processed foods are supposed to be really not so good for me.  In fact, all of us should either avoid or lessen the processed foods we consume.  I need to learn to eat healthier so that I could be healthier.  However, I feel good that I did not eat too much today.

Friday, October 4, 2013


I feel like I may have to start all over again.  I feel like giving up.  At least I thought I feel like giving up.  I was on a 30 minute food binge.  Sure it felt great to eat delicious food, but that was not something that I chose to do.  I feel like giving up.  I felt guilty.  I thought pre-planning my meals but binging has made it worse.  I am not proud of feeling so guilty but guilt is a sign of a good conscience.  So there is hope for me yet.

Thursday, October 3, 2013


I am not sure now if planning my meals even work.  It doesn't help with the binging problem that I still have.  I am struggling to eat in moderation.  How to deal with or rather, overcome this struggle, I need help with that.  I need help in making the right choices for me.  I am so tired of all of this.  I have decided to be more mindful of what I eat even with or without a meal plan.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Planning my meals

I have planned my meals today and I hope to continue doing so.  I believe that it is something that I needed to do after yesterday.  I did a lot more than binge yesterday.  I am not sure, but I know that I ate more than 3500 calories yesterday.  That is way too much.  A pound of food?  Wow.  It is amazing that I have eaten that much.  I don't feel guilty per se but I do feel like I am doing better and I needed to make changes.  I needed to take action, and I did just that.  That way, I will be able to track my meals so that I can better learn to eat in moderation.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Yesterday and today

Yesterday was a good day.  I have told my doctor about my struggle with eating in moderation.  I don't eat enough fruits and vegetables and my carb consumption is too large.  I admit that I do indeed consume too many sweets, processed foods, and carbs, and not enough servings of fruits and vegetables.  Today is a cheat day, but I think I overdid it.  I just hope I don't gain so much weight and eat so much food that I won't be able to bounce back.  I think that I will have to not worry so much, be less anxious and stressed-out, and plan out my meals beforehand.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

If only

I admit it.  Today I did not eat in moderation.  I wished I had eaten only one drumstick, 1/4 cup of raisins, 1 ear of corn, and half of a box of ramen noodles.  That would have saved me at least 650 calories, and I would not have gone over the calorie limit, but it isn't that much.  I have learned from today to eat in moderation and put it in action. My health is important to me so I would like to eat in moderation daily and not just on weekends or at certain mealtimes.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

How I feel about what I ate.

There really isn't much to say today.  I ate not in moderation but I ate below the calories limit.  In fact, I ate below several hundred calories under the limit.  I wish that I did a better job eating the chicken in moderation. The barbecue sauce was a bit too much but I don't feel too guilty about what I ate.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Meal plans

I didn't do much exercise but at least I ate fairly well.  My dinner was a large one but I don't feel guilty about eating it.  I feel okay about it.  I wasn't sure if I was going to consume a modest amount of food.  I mostly do a good job eating a modest consumption of food at most meals but sometimes at lunch time is when I ate the bulk of my calories.  I am struggling with eating in moderation at that time on most days.  It is even hard constructing an advanced meal plan throughout the day.  I guess it is that I have underlying issues but that could not be it.

Thursday, September 26, 2013


Eating starches and sweets are two weaknesses of mine.  I ate a lot of rice today and I don't feel guilty about it.  Yes, the food was good, but I have learned to be more mindful of what I ate.  It wasn't easy, but I my health will thank me for it.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Learning to eat in moderation

I have to swallow my pride.  I ate nearly 200 calories over the limit.  I want to lose weight, but my diet is still poor.  I need to make some changes.  I am only mindful of what I eat after I eat.  I need to be mindful before and during my meals.  I wanted to carry over to tomorrow.  Exercise helps, but diet is also required to lose weight and keep healthy. 

I am learning to eat in moderation.  However, I have a long way to go.  I don't want to put too much pressure on myself because I don't wish to binge.  Binging on food does me no good.  I have to learn to control my hunger and my hormones.  It will be a hard journey so eating in moderation is key.  I have to work extra hard in order to lose weight.

I finally realize that it is my health that is the reason why I need to learn to eat healthy, and in moderation.  I am glad that I have lost weight, so I am doing something right.  However, I am at a plateau and that is frustrating.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

September 24

I am finally understanding what it means to eat in moderation.  I wrote the blog about yesterday very early this morning.  I forgot to write in my blog yesterday because I went to bed early, very early.  I had a good time walking and doing zumba.  Zumba is quite fun and quite tiring.  Sadly, I realize how out of shape I truly am, but realizing that is worth it.  I will soon be in shape.  Diet and exercise is not hard or at least easier than I thought.  So is eating in moderation.  I ate a variety of foods today yet there were times when I wish I had eaten half of this and a quarter of that.  But it is too late to do what I could have done in the past.  I have learned that the present is a gift and that life is a series of choices.

September 23

Eating in moderation is harder than I thought when it comes to some foods.  Maybe I should just learn to eat in moderation.  I need to first define what it means.  Eating two pouches of healthy foods doesn't even qualify as eating in moderation especially when it comes to having ranch dressing as the dressing or replacement for mayonnaise.  I forgot to type it in yesterday, so this is another case of forgetting to catch up.  I don't feel great about not eating in moderation.  In fact I felt like I could do better.  Instead of eating two pouches of tuna, I could eat one pouch of tuna with light dressing and celery.  Looking for alternatives could help me a mighty long way.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Sunday Dinner

I admit it.  I ate way too much at lunchtime.  I also ate a sandwich that I logged in last night.  It was a dishonest thing to do and now I wish I hadn't done that.  I overate two days in a role so I hope that it doesn't derail my weight loss.  I have been in a plateau for a while, but I don't feel bad about it.  I feel good about the food I ate.  I baked chicken instead of fried it and that was a good thing.  Eating fried foods is not good for my health being that I am a diabetic.  Learning to eat in smaller, more moderate portions isn't as easy.  It feels like a diet to me.  I hope to learn more and change my mindset.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

So far

So far, eating in moderation has been a good thing for me.  It is sad that I had to struggle with this.  I found that I don't have to give up.  Giving up would have been the worst thing I could do, especially with my health.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Today was good

Today, I have eaten a modest number of calories because I  have eaten in moderation.  Well, at least I tried to.  Exercise has also been helpful.  I want and need to lose weight that I pushed myself to exercise.  I hope to do better next time.  I got winded after a while but it felt great to exercise.  It also feels good to do what I am supposed to do, and that is to eat healthy and exercise.  This is quite interesting because it is my definition of coming a long way.  However, I need to limit or stop eating the sugary drinks.  I felt good about what I ate today so I felt no guilt.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Eating in moderation

Yep, I have not done a good job of eating in moderation or laying off of the health foods.  I admit that food is a big weakness of mine and that is why this plateau I am on is a major struggle.  I have little understanding of the importance of eating in moderation.  It is because I have no idea how to eat in moderation enough.  What is the purpose of eating in moderation?  What does it mean to eat in moderation?  How do I eat in moderation?  I want to be healthy and whole, but first I must answers to these questions.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Lay off the unhealthy foods

I forgot to make an entry yesterday.  However, I won't forget today.  I feel pretty good about what I ate.  However, I need to eat healthier, so that I can actually lose weight.  I am frustrated about that but I brought it on myself.  Like I said, I need to eat healthier.  That starts with not frying foods since I ate too many of them.  I also need to lay off the high calorie foods.  I have a host of conditions and illnesses and I should know better.  I would like to change, but I need to start off slow.  Boiling, sauteing, and baking are much better options than frying.  My health depends on what I eat.

Monday, September 16, 2013

How I am feeling

I feel so much better physically and emotionally.  I ate pretty well and I exercised.  I did in fact walk for half an hour and my mind has been clearer.  I have laid off of the snacks, but I need to lay off of the soup.  At least I ate fruits and vegetables today. 

Saturday, September 14, 2013


I felt good after I ate all of those foods.  I need to lay off of the spaghetti and meatballs however.  This is true, despite all of the turkey meatballs and the whole grain pasta.  But I need to eat in moderation.  Does one learn to eat in moderation or does one just do begin to eat in moderation cold turkey?

Friday, September 13, 2013

Doing something right

I guess I can be faithful to something and not give up easily.  I finally figured it out.  It is about the mindset and it is about just doing it.  I knew that already but I didn't realize how easy it truly was.  It was not smooth sailing at first.  I wanted to lose weight and I hope to continue doing so.  I will lose weight slowly.  Trust me, I have and I was frustrated.  I need to keep laying off of the sweet and fried foods however.  I feel okay about what I ate however.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

There's hope for me yet

I exercised today and I feel pretty good.  I ate pretty well and I am not so hungry.  However, I need to eat less and exercise more.  I hope to get out of this weight loss plateau soon.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Not a bad day

I have to learn to eat food in smaller portions and in smaller increments per day.  That could keep me from the late night binging.  It is working.  I am eating in moderation now, though it is as if I am still learning.  I feel great about what I did today.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Not so uneasy

I am doing okay.  Today is a day of another revelation.  That revelation is that I eat way too much for lunch and sometimes not enough for breakfast.  I even thought about making french toast for breakfast this morning.  This is despite the fact that I don't even like French Toast.  I can only imagine how much fat and calories I would have consumed eating that.

Monday, September 9, 2013


Despite the high calorie high fat food I ate, I don't feel so guilty.  In fact, I felt good.  I am learning more and more to eat even unhealthier foods in moderation.  I have to admit, though, it is not easy.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Decent day

I have issues learning to determine if I want to eat or if I am truly hungry.  That is one of the reasons why I binge.  I have not binged in the past two days and I hope that this lack of binging continues.  I have eaten a variety of foods.  I feel pretty good about what I have eaten.  I am not so stuck on calories like I once was but I know that it is a hard habit to break.  Counting calories has been difficult to break and it has gotten tedious.  I had a lot of information at my disposal and that was a problem.  It confused me but when I got down to the meat and potatoes sort of speak, I realize that I didn't need all of that information.  I have drawn up a contract that I will follow until I lose the weight.  I have become honest and I was at a plateau.  Now I can get out of that plateau and have fun with it.  Exercising for tomorrow is now on my mind and it feels good.  I wish that I could just do it, but learning how to do things and actually doing something small is a good thing.  I feel good about actually being able to make a change without giving up.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Healthy start

Today was a pretty good day.  I ate more than my calorie limit which wasn't good.  However, I didn't stress out so much about calories or my calorie intake.  I made a contract to eat and be healthier.  I feel a little healthier...and a little full.  I need to lay off of the pasta, hehe.  That was why I was over the limit.  I hope to fulfill my contract for my health.

Friday, September 6, 2013

My weight loss contract form

On this ______________ day of __________________, 2013, I hereby declare that I, ______________________________________________ have made a contract to lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle.  In this endeavor, my goals are for now to consume _______________ calories per day until the  ________________ day of  ______________________, 2013. 

Here are my goals for now:
I plan to lose 6 pounds by October 7, 2013.  Then I plan to lose 10 more pounds to get out of the ________ + pound mark.  Then my plan is to lose 10 more pounds to get out of the ________+ mark.
I promise to hereby remember that calories are not the end all to be all and that there are alternatives to counting calories.  My current weight is ________ pounds.  My temporary goal weight (1) is _____ pounds.  My secondary temporary goal weight is ________ pounds.  My third temporary goal weight will then be __________ pounds.  My overall goal weight will be between ______ pounds and ______ pounds.  My total weight loss will be between ___________ pounds and ___________ pounds.
Here are my motivations to lose weight:
Right now, I am a current weight loss plateau; because of this plateau, I fail to understand that a plateau would equal changing my routine.  However, I am overwhelmed by this plateau and realize that I need to change my routine.  I do need to exercise more and eat healthier.  I am living with diabetes, PCOS, high blood sugar, and high cholesterol.  I will learn from this day forth how to eat in moderation, to relax and be mindful of the meals that I eat, and appreciate the food that is in front of me by eating slowly and enjoying the taste of said food.  I will learn of the health benefits of each food and drink that I consume. 
What will happen once I lose the weight?
I will no longer be as self-conscious and overwhelmed about my weight.  I will be able to fit into more varieties of clothing than I do now.  I will have a greater ability to move around and not feel all of the aches and pains that occur partly as a result of being overweight.  My cholesterol will be lower and my blood pressure and blood sugar will be normalized.  The diabetes will be reversed.  I will have to worry less about my health because I will be healthier.  I can finally be better able to manage my hormones and blood sugar.  I will feel better about myself and my body because I have accomplished a lot if I were to lose weight and eventually will keep it off.


Thursday, September 5, 2013

My back

I have lost about a pound since last week.  How I did it, I have no idea.  I am going to break the cycle of binging and giving up.  I have not and will not give up.  I have been having back pain lately and I would like to know the best exercises for a hurt back.  I went to the doctor yesterday and I found out that I have a degenerative condition that causes pain.  There was a curve of the spine and backbone.  I was told that my weight because of where it was stored played a role.  So, it was more than enough incentive for me to lose weight.  I have decided to exercise and diet, to do what is hard but it is hard because I allow it to be hard.  It is all in the mindset.  Walking sounds like a good exercise because it is so easy so I wonder what effect it will have on my back?  What are some good exercises for my back other than just stretches?  I will lose the weight and keep it off.  I plan to lose enough weight to get out of the 280+ lb. mark.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013


I did a much better job today than I did yesterday, but I am still over my calorie limit.  I will definitely do better next time.  I certainly need to exercise more to get off of this 280+ pound plateau I am in.  I would like to lose 5 pounds to get out of that plateau.  I have to get over my concerns and just do it. I feel much better about my eating than I did yesterday but today has been a lesson for me.  I don't feel guilty about how I ate but I need to lay off of the snacks for a while until I can get off of this plateau.

Monday, September 2, 2013

What I can do

I need to lay off of the desserts.  Other than that, I had a really good day. 

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Random notes

I am just taking a break.  I have had my cheat days and I haven't written anything down.  I sometimes don't know how to have diet days or even have cheat days.  Maybe I can learn a lesson from this.  I have a lot of things to learn but yet I may even be learning as I write this.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

August 29

Well, there isn't too much to say about it today.  I ate too much food and I went over the calorie limit.  I need to stop the cycle and do something about it.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013


I love my protein.  I admit that I eat whatever is available so I need to make healthier choices.  The ice cream was not healthy, I admit.  I wonder if I ate too much protein today.  I have to be more conscious of the choices I make and to exercise more.  I feel like I have lost weight today even though I ate more than 2000 calories today.  I do wish that I could learn to eat better.  I have consumed sugary drinks lately and that is not a good thing.  However, I can learn from my food and drink mistakes.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Whatever is available

I need to rid myself of some bad habits, but I believe that I have done well today.  I didn't overeat.  Nor did I rob myself of anything.  I actually ate something healthy for a change.  I have to outdo the processed foods and the sugary drinks.  I hope to do better tomorrow.

Sunday, August 25, 2013


Yesterday, I wrote about slow weight loss.  I guess that it means that I will have to be patient.  Low and slow is the way to go.  However, I will weigh myself tomorrow.  I hope that I will be out of the 280 pound mark.  I have been there long enough.  I realize that I also eat too much at one time or at least in one sitting.  I rarely if ever go for seconds which is a good thing.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

August 24

I have eaten more in moderation than before.  I have a long way to go.  However, I am learning.  I ate two Philly Cheesesteak sandwiches.  It is not too big a deal except the sandwiches take up a lot of calories.  I have not given God the glory or total control over my eating and overall dieting habits.  I thought I did, but I admit that I have not.  I say this because of my eating habits and also because I am so frustrated.  I have however, ate snacks in moderation.  Not bad.  Not bad at all.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Slow weight loss

I have decided to pick up better habits.  I can't believe I said that.  I want to lose weight, but I guess low and slow is truly the way to go.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Being grateful and examining my eating habits

I will have to be careful with how I eat because of my health.  I am not always careful and I am not always proud of myself when I eat.  I am grateful for the 25-30 pounds that I have lost so far.  I only want to do well for myself.  I am doing well for myself but the problem is I felt that I was losing weight too slowly.  Maybe I am not.  Maybe it was one of those cases where I need to examine myself and where I am really going.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

My examination of what I ate for today

I feel pretty good about what I ate today.  However, I did eat way too much cereal as far as snacks go.  I am addicted to eating cereal it seems.  I could have added sugar to the cereal, but I did not, which was a smart thing to do.  Sugar carries extra calories and that is not good for me.  I am doing better today when it comes to how I eat.  I still need to work on eating in moderation however.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Examination of my eating habits

I am doing okay.  I have nothing to feel bad about.  I just would like to actually eat in moderation.  I am not too sure how.  Maybe if I know what it means to eat in moderation, then maybe I would actually do it.  That is what I have to do, just do it.  Eating in moderation is a very important thing because I am a diabetic.  I believe that I ate in moderation today.  However, I know about eating the wrong kinds of foods not in moderation, but in excess.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Looking at the foods

I don't do this very often, but I am looking at the foods that I have eaten.  I have eaten too small a breakfast and too much in snacks.  I did well during lunch and dinner.  I ate a hearty homemade chicken dumpling soup.  Hearty doesn't always mean fattening, but in this case, it might have been.  The problem is I ate too many chips.  I realize that I ate too much of the bad stuff.  It isn't good that I ate the wrong kinds of foods and eat the right kinds of foods like fruits, grains, and vegetables.  I need to learn to eat in moderation.  As a diabetic, I should now know better.  And now I do.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Solving a problem

I have learned not to just "deal" with a problem.  I have learned to solve the problem.  I have learned not to be anxious about food.  I still have questions, but I have a few issues that I feel have been solved.  However, they are only solved when I take action.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

I am still here

I will not give up.  I have not given up.  I am still here.  Overall, I didn't eat much food, but I went over my 2220 calorie limit.  I am not stressed out about it.  I should have done a better job measuring out my food.  I did eat a lot of food.  Measuring out food and such has now been ingrained just like calorie count.  I was obsessed with losing weight.  I will weigh myself soon.  I have no real weight goals since I don't know how much I want to weigh.  I have too many shifted goals so my approach has been unstable.  Right now I am a 2220 calorie limit.  I hope to lose some weight, no matter how small, with this weight limit.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Relationship with food

I have eaten more than I should have today.  However, I did eat healthy.  Today taught me one thing and that is that I have a wrong view of food.  I have a love relationship with food yet it seems that it doesn't love me back.  I have a condition in which losing weight would be harder for me than for most women.  That combined with my view of food should spell weight gain due to giving up. But I have hope on my side.  I will not give up.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013


I am taking steps...no I'm not.  I am not doing much of anything because I don't know what I am doing.  I ate over the calorie limit and I am not proud of that.  I wish that I could change this.  In closing, I shouldn't have eaten the chips.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013


I need help with self-control and possible binge of food.  I haven't gone over the 2100 calorie limit.  I would now like to lose 20lbs, but it may take me a while.  I would like to lose at least 82 pounds.  I will feel so much better about myself and my health.  I am not sure where else I need to begin except for the fact that I am glad that I lost 29 lbs.  I ate pretty well with 3 servings of fruits.  I do need to eat more vegetables and whole grain.  Maybe I should start a diet plan.  Maybe I should try and make recipes.  Who knows?  It could be the best thing that could happen to my health.

Monday, August 12, 2013

August 12

I ate homemade cheeseburger and macaroni with a hint of barbecue sauce.  That isn't the main problem I had today.  My main problem is that I ate more in snacks than I did in meals, at least about an hour ago.  I need to take my diet more seriously.  I don't joke about it because it isn't funny.  I mean that I need to be more conscious of what I eat.  I practice mindless eating sometimes and I am not proud of it.  I need to take more control of what I eat and to be mindful of what I eat.  I didn't record the extra food that I ate because I take no pride in what I ate.  I wish I could go back and change what I ate.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Struggling with smaller portions

I ate way too much during the course of a day.  I ate more than 3100 calories even though I have now  a 2200 calorie limit.  Maybe I should lower it to 2000 calories.  Less calories consumed and more calories burned means faster weight loss.  I just have issues with eating smaller portions.  I ate way too much early in the day.  I also ate too much during lunch as well.  Other than that, I don't feel guilty.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Muffins and fries

I did fairly well today.  I ate a bit too many fries however.  I also love homemade blueberry muffins.  They were good and not so sweet.  Today was a day that I could learn from.  Then again, that is everyday.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Lacking in self-control

I have to make changes when it comes to my eating habits.  I lack self-control and I don't know why.  I need to learn about self control if I wish to continue to lose weight.  I admit that I do eat a lot of unhealthy food.  I am trying too hard I guess.  I love to eat and maybe that is a problem.  I lack self-control in all areas of my life and that is not a good thing.  I don't each that much but when I do, I feel guilty afterwards.  Pro-activity and consistency are the keys as well as a healthy diet, exercise, and a strong and willing mindset.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Self-control and restraint

I have done well today.  I did eat more than one burger and one piece of toast, however.  I wish to binge today yet I don't want to.  I need help.  I know I need to.  I feel so bad about that.  How do I overcome binge eating?  Why do I lack self-control?

Wednesday, August 7, 2013


I tried so hard, but I ate 4 gorditas and a host of other foods today.  I also don't feel so good about that.  I should be feeling worse, as in guilty.  Maybe if I were to feel guilty, then I could use that guilt to not binge eat.  I binged today and I hope that I don't binge tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Good news

I lost a little bit of weight and that makes me smile.  What else makes me smile is the fact that I did not binge eat today.  I feel pretty good because I have nothing to feel guilty about.  I admit to not always eating in moderation, but I do admit that I am doing better, and I feel good about that.

Monday, August 5, 2013

The Woods

I am not out of the woods yet, but I am getting better.  Honestly, I consumed more than 2000 calories today.  I am not feeling guilty about it.  I have learned to drink more water, exercise, and space out my meals.  Whenever I go to the store, I tend to overeat and that is a problem that I have to work on.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Overcoming gluttony

How do I overcome binge eating or gluttony?  I overcame it once and I believe that I can overcome it again.  I did not go under the 2000 calorie limit.  I don't feel good about overeating.  I wish that I could go back and change things.  Sadly, I don't have that kind of power.  I have to weigh myself tomorrow.  I hope that all will go well as far as not giving in to eating too much.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Cake and ice cream

I am concerned about the amount of calories I have consumed.  I ate two wraps with meat, olives, mushrooms, and salsa.  I should have eaten just one for lunch.  I am happy to have consumed less than 2000 calories, yet I will learn to eat more in moderation.  Laying off of the pound cake and ice cream would also help.  I should only eat one slice a day of cake and ice cream.  That is one of my favorite desserts.  I just love ice cream especially and don't always eat in moderation.  My breakfast was good but I should have eaten a healthy dinner in place of the dessert.  However the dessert was all that I ate and plan to eat.  I feel okay about what I ate today.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Proud of myself

I surprise myself.  I am still under the calorie limit, yet it seems that I have overeaten today.  I lost a few pounds and I am proud of myself for losing weight.  I am also proud of myself for eating under the calorie limit.  I am just proud, yet I went overboard on the chips.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Hello, August

I have eaten fruits and vegetables today, which is good.  I baked another pound cake early this morning and this time it is lighter because I added coconut oil, so the cake doesn't have much butter in it.  It was quite moist and thus quite good.  It wasn't overly sweet and I ate maybe a couple of slices too much.  I also ate leftovers for lunch.  The portions were healthier which was good.  I also make it a point to drink a lot of water, as I did with more than 8 cups today.  For dinner, I ate soup from Progresso, which is a light soup.  I have learned to eat whatever food I consume in smaller portions.  I feel no guilt in eating the food I ate today.  However, I still struggle with sweets and carbs and eating in moderation sometimes.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Pretty well

I ate pretty well today.  The food I ate did not make me feel bad.  I have no guilt, that is for sure.  I am glad that I consumed more vegetables than I did yesterday.  I have been told that my diet was atrocious.  I hope that my diet will become less atrocious.  I realize that I have got to cut back on white foods, sweets, fried foods, starches, and processed foods.  I have PCOS and these foods could have a negative impact on my health because I also have diabetes.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Homemade pound cake

I should not have eaten all of that homemade pound cake. It was probably the best homemade pound cake I have eaten in a while. I am glad, however, that I am under the 2000 calorie limit. I have eaten a record four slices of cake.  I am not proud of that, but I am not ashamed either.  The cake should have been more than a treat.  I admit that I eat too much of the bad stuff.  It wasn't that sinful, but it is not good, I admit.

Monday, July 29, 2013


I admit that I have eaten many snacks today instead of a healthy lunch.  I am struggling with eating processed foods.  I would like to lose weight the healthy way.  I feel good about the calories that I am eating today.  I am under the 2000 calorie mark.

It makes me smile because I am doing well under this new "system" that I have developed.  I have decided, with God's help, I believe that 2000 is though rather too much to eat, is a good limit.  It doesn't set me up for failure.  I believe that calories should be considered a daily budget.  I am not as obsessed with calories anymore and that is a good thing.

Sunday, July 28, 2013


I have done pretty well, except for the fact that I don't always consume the amount of fruits and vegetables I consume.  I am proud that I don't eat as much processed foods as I once did.  I have a long way to go before I can say that I eat healthy and it feels good.  I do, however, feel good about today.  I am under my calorie limit.  That makes me smile.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

July 27

I don't feel guilty about how I ate today.  I feel pretty good.  I am concerned that the binge eating is a part of why I have difficulty losing weight.  PCOS isn't a killer, but it is a serious condition that I have to take seriously.

I ate my share of healthier, low calorie foods and vegetables today.  I am glad about that.  Unfortunately, the foods that I ate were two servings instead of one.  Soup doesn't fill me up however.  I guess it is because the soup I ate doesn't have much fiber and neither do the saltines.

I don't mean to eat so much food and I feel guilty at times when I do.  I am happy to write that I ate less than 2000 calories today and that I plan to keep it up.

Friday, July 26, 2013

July 26

I am a diabetic with a number of health issues including high blood pressure and high cholesterol.  I want to fit into smaller clothes.  There is this dress that I want to wear, but wearing it right now would make me self-coscious.

Today, I am looking at everything I have been eating and drinking and I have noticed a pattern.  The less water I drink, the unhealthier my diet tends to be.  I don't know why that is, but I admit that my diet is in need of improvement.  I have been drinking more water and eating less food, but I have struggled as of late because I wasn't sure how many calories I was supposed to eat.

My calorie budget is 2000 calories which would be reasonable.  I don't have to eat 2000 calories per day, which would equal very slow weight loss.  This was the cause of my frustration.  I tend to eat between 1500-2000 per day.

I feel good about my eating today.  However, eating a whole can of soup may not the be healthiest thing I ever did.  Drinking green tea, on the other hand, is. 

This blog is a food and diet blog which is also about my opinions about food and dieting.  My mindset  was very negative and now I have hope.  I may always have struggles, but at least I know what to do.  I am now motivated than ever to continue on my weight loss journey.

Thursday, July 25, 2013


Yesterday was quite short.  I am not so sure why it so short but it was awfully short.  Anyways, I think I did well because I got in enough servings of fruits, beans, and proteins for the day.  I ate lunch later in the afternoon because I ate half a watermelon this morning, which amounted to five servings.  I am satisfied with what I have eaten and I am under the 2000 calorie limit.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

July 23

I ate a rather large lunch today.  How I am going to eat the rest of the day, I don't know.  Yesterday was a good day because I ate half of my calories during half of the day.  I do feel like I am not eating more or less than I should have been.  I do worry too much about my food intake.  I feel like I allow food to dictate and dominate.  I have been stressed out about it lately and it has caused me to gain weight instead of lose weight.  The best thing I can do to lose weight is to take my time and be mindful.

July 22

July 22

I do believe that eating a whole can of soup.  Yes, it was progresso light, but I have to learn to eat in moderation.  It was a good day.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

July 21

Giving up would be the worst thing to do.  I am happy to say that I have yet to give up.  I have not waved the white flag of surrender.  I drank plenty of water and ate plenty of vegetables today.  I am proud of myself today.  I went over the calorie limit, but I am comfortable with that somehow.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Unhealthy habits

I need to eat healthier foods for all of my meals and limit the junk and processed foods.  I sometimes eat as if I have no will power.  Lately, I have not been losing weight in a healthy fashion.  That is a painful look at how I have treating myself lately.  I feel like giving up.  It is great that I am under the calorie limit, yet it is not great that I don't practice mindful, healthy eating.  Having Tostitos for breakfast and a sandwich and more chips for lunch is not a healthy way to eat.  I should have had some fruit or some cereal for breakfast and then a sandwich and a smaller portion of chips or vegetables.  That would be good.  Maybe I should no longer eat cereal or binge on snacks most of the day either.  I am only hurting myself.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Surrender 2

I overate just an hour ago.  I just feel like I want to give up.  I cannot take this anymore.  I ate a peanut butter-jelly sandwich, chips with cheese, and craisins.  Why did I do it?  What was I thinking?

Thursday, July 18, 2013


I give up.  I am basically starting over.  I have eaten pretty much everything in sight.  I cannot take it anymore.  I am surrendering.  I am waving the white flag.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

July 16-July 17

I need to catch up.  I overate.  That is okay.  Really?  I feel okay.  All I have to do is pick myself up and dust myself off.

July 17, 2013
I will not allow the stress of yesterday to get me down.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

July 15

I hope that i can keep up with the pre-planning of foods like I have been.  It has been of great benefit to me thus far.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

July 14

Today, I feel like I want to eat.  I have had cravings at night but the best and healthiest thing for me to do is not give in to that craving.  I have eaten later at night which adds extra calories which I do not need.  I have no calories in my budget left which is good.  I have lost a few pounds this week and I hope to lose even more.  I ate all of my snacks this morning.  I should have spaced them out.  However, I spaced out my meals which is a good thing.  I managed to eat pineapples and kale.  The fact that I ate that made me smile.  However, I ate a lot of fried food, or at least more fried food than usual.  To eat healthy, I either need to limit or cut out sweets completely.  There are some things that I have done right and other things that I need to do.  I am learning however.  That is what is most important.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

July 13

I need to count everything I eat and drink.  Nibbling is something that I do quite often and so is consuming fruit juices at night.  I sometimes overeat only to carry it over to the next day.  That is not good for it is dishonest.  I need to log food in what I eat today and learn from whatever mistakes I make that day.  I am glad that I did not do that today.  I feel pretty good about my diet but I need to lay off of the bread, nutella, and peanut butter.  I also need to log them in next time.

Friday, July 12, 2013

July 12

I consumed more than 1760 calories, which is well over my 1580 calorie limit.  In other words, I was overbudget and have been for the past couple of days.  I am okay with that strangely enough, but I want to eat less than that per day if I wish to lose two pounds per week.  I also need to exercise more.  I made the mistake of eating a large bowl of cereal and an eclair.  Other than that, I did pretty well today.  I ate my share of fruits and vegetables but the ingredients were either fattening or I ate too much food along with the fruit.  I have been struggling to lose weight and today I have learned not only not to go overbudget, but to learn how to eat healthier and in moderation.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Today was pretty good

I am using myfitnesspal and according to that website, I have one calorie left.  I am eating 1580 calories.  I did very well today, though nibbling is a problem of mine.  I know that it could be extra calories.  Also, I realize that calories equal budget and I am well-within my budget.  I needed to change my mindset when it came to losing weight.  I need to affirm myself and not stress out about losing weight.