Taking stock about losing weight

Do I really need to lose weight?  I have always had the motivation, but maybe not the proper motivation because I don't know what it is.  I have low self-esteem and I wonder if weight loss will help do that.  Everywhere I turn, I see a stereotype or a demeaning comment.  I had no idea that I would be considered unattractive, but the "bottom of the barrel" when it comes to discrimination.  I know I am not healthy and I need to lose weight.  The problem is, I don't know why I need to lose weight and if I have that desire to lose.  I wonder what my desire is or if I am confused.  That is why I always fail.  I am at the point where I am questioning myself.  It makes no sense to me, but at least I am asking questions.  Do I need, want, or desire to lose weight?  Do I need, want, and desire to lose weight?  Why am I so confused and question heavy?  I am 300 lbs yet I am asking myself these questions.  I need to take stock and examine why I would like to lose weight if I care to already.