Monday, October 27, 2014

My biggest fears

I have a confession to make: I fear failure.  Every time I consume healthy food I wonder if that would be healthy.  In short, did I consume enough fruits or enough vegetables or whole grains?  The truth is, I don't eat enough fruits during the day.  I don't add vegetables to every meal.  Whole grains are just hard to come by because I buy them, yet I don't eat them.  I have learned a valuable lesson about my food intake.  I struggle with the same thing over and over and over again.  The truth is, I have made little to no progress.  That is where the poor choices come in.  I consume preserves, turkey bacon, and honey wheat toast.  Sure, it was good, but was it healthy?  That is the real question.  I have another issue and that is portion control.  I don't eat in moderation and everyday is a lesson learned.

I am just struggling with losing weight period so not only am I struggling with my food intake, I am also struggling with diet and exercise.  This was because I lack motivation and wisdom.  I am not wise when it comes to the problems that I have.  I am overweight and diabetic.  I also have low self-esteem, which could either work for me or against me.  What I really need is guidance and a sense of self-worth.  I also need a sense of direction, which is the root of my food issues.  I love food too much and now, I realize that food no longer loves me.

It is as if I am losing weight for the wrong reasons.  I have all of the reasons in the world to lose weight and get healthy.  Sadly I had no motivation.  Saturday was a wake up call.  I cannot live life the way that I have been living.  I will not give myself a pep talk, nor will I whine about my issues and end up procrastinating.  Sadly, that is all I do.  What I want is a change in mindset.  What I don't want is to live in a continuous cycle of poor eating habits, no exercise, and low self-esteem.  Those are the issues that I have to deal with for I have made little progress.  All I want is to make progress, but I don't know where to begin.